"never underestimate a girl's love for her favorite band. never think even for a minute, that she won't defend them to her death. because it's not just the music that makes that band her favorite. it's the guys, the gals. it's the fans. people whom of which she has interacted with thanks to the band. that band might of saved her life, or just made her smile everyday. that band has never broke her heart and has yet to leave her. no wonder she finds such joy in her music." alex gaskarth, lead vocals and guitar for all time low

jasey rae, all time low
i've never lit a match
with intent to start a fire

this is gospel, panic at the disco
cause these words are nice
but they often leave scars

seesaw.

you're up. you're on the top of the world, nothing is above you except the beautiful blue sky. when you're this high, the sun can shine down on you endlessly, you can feel light and the warmth. up here, everything else it tiny and insignificant. none of it matters because you're so much more important than all of it, these small things can't bring you down no matter how hard you try. the breeze is in your hair, caressing your face and around your body, a comforting invisible harness. everything is bright and technicolour, you've never been able to see so clearly. your life is below you, letting you see all the endless possibilities, plans and changes you can make. your mind rushes and dashes, one idea to the next, concocting your next brilliant scheme to save the world.

the seesaw tilts.

you're down. crashing down to earth with a thud, you're now at the bottom. on the floor, everything and everyone is above you, looking down on you. you're small now, the whole wide distorted world towering above you, witnessing everything you say and do. it's intimidating, the world is too big. you see now that everything you are and everything you want to do doesn't matter, it's insignificant. it's all way too much to handle, something out of your reach and your capabilities. you're at the bottom, and there's nothing you can do about it.

i don't know what to do.

i'm watching my own life replaying, but it's happening to someone else. in my version, i fucked up big time. i don't know how to help them when i can barely help myself.

i take back what i said before. i need my superhero, i need my doctor who.

whoop.

less than a month til moving day. less than a month til freshers. less than a month til party time!

IT'S GONNA GET MESSY ;)

shit..

social faux pas seem to be a speciality of mine nowadays

where there's a negative...

...there's always a plus. week number god knows how long, and i've finally lost my first stone.

what the hell.

sometimes, things happen in life that force you to re-evaluate everything you know, do and say. this can be something like an injury, a break up, money troubles etc. or, as in my case, it can come in the form of bad news.

what i found out today has completely altered the way i view everything, including myself. it's also probably going to change the way i'm viewed.

to society, i'm now just another label. to my friends, i may now still be the same girl, or a freak. to me, i'm a diagnosis, something a psychology or medical student has to define in their weekly test in class.

do i let this define me? or do i let it become part of me?

i hate you diet.

ugh..

..this is getting difficult. way too difficult. i think i'm way in over my head here. but what can i do?

the vacation song, shane dawson
feels like paradise
when i think about being alone

just keep breathing, we the kings
when you watch the world just turn away
and break the promises it made
when love is all too hard to hold
just take a breath and let it go