titanium, david guetta ft. sia
i'm bulletproof, nothing to loose
fire away fire away
ricochet, you take your aim
fire away fire away
shoot me down, but i won't fall
i am titanium

u + ur hand, pink
i'm not here for your entertainment
you don't really want to mess with me tonight

i cannot freakin' wait for this movie!

STICK IT TO DA MAAANNN!

it's been a while...

since i've blogged anything decent. weelll, to sum up the past two (ish) weeks, it's been hectic.

i finished my forensics coursework with a good deal of time left, whoop! i'm quite happy with it, hit the ideal word count and my friend jess picked through it with a fine toothed comb. only this is, now, i have foundations coursework due in just under two weeks. yet, we have no idea what to write or what books to read, cheers maria.

i started my new job at the london bridge experience. it's long hours outside, which in this weather, is not ideal, but will be lovely in the summer. the people are nice, the pay's brilliant, so i'm in no position to complain. although, i'm not going in today, wayyyy too ill!

i've had an on/off flu/cold thing for about two weeks, another reason why i haven't been blogging much. long hours at work in the cold haven't helped, but i needed the money.

my parents have booked our holiday for this year, yay! i think we're going to a place called naja, near malaga in andalucia. considering i've been begging to go to spain ever since i've learnt to speak fluent (ish?) spanish, it's about bloody time! i'm really looking forward to it :)

i've been to the cinema a ridiculous amount of times as well. i saw les miserábles, pitch perfect, the hobbit 3D, which were all freaking brilliant! the hobbit, is AMAZING in 3D. usually, 3D doesn't do much in a film, but this film was just made for it. the scenery, the effects, abseloutely everything was just breathtaking! pitch perfect was hilarious, and showed some serious talent from the actors in it. les mis, well, was incredible. i've never cried so much at a movie, i looked a right state! yes, it's not to everyone's taste, as most of the movie is sung. however, if you know you don't like musicals, i'd say not to see it, but it's worth it purely for the acting.

aannnddd, i got new huurrrrrr...

 i bloody love it! i love my short hair, but it's kind of growing out and starting to look a bit dodgy. it's a bit of a pain putting them in in the morning, but it's worth it. i feel so much more feminine and attractive, which my short hair doesn't really. not bad for £30 ;)

i also threw a party this week, mainly arranged by my friend jess, haha! it was a brilliant night, despite the fact that i can't remember bits of it and i have a broken loo, thanks to cameron. what i do remember, was mental! i got completely wasted and stayed up all night, despite having a 9am lecture :( everyone had a good time, a good drink and a good laugh. you can't ask for more than that!

i have no bloody idea what i'm doing.

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john cleese has me down to a T.

this is gonna get mighty difficult..

grade 8, ed sheeran
your chest is a pillow
for my weary head to lay to rest again
your body is my ballpoint pen
and your mind is my new best friend
your eyes are the mirror
to take me to the edge again

thnks fr th mmrs, fall out boy
and i want these words to make things right
but it's the wrongs that make the words come to life

stupid.

i'm doing it again..

my best friend.

my best friend is called ben. i only met him four months ago, but i honestly don't know how i managed without him before. he's helped me through my break up, through my shit days and my good days. i think i've   helped him through some things, but somehow it doesn't seem to add up enough..

he's supported me when i've woken up with night terrors. despite the fact that most people freak out, he did the complete opposite. instead, he hugged me until i calmed down and held my hand until i stopped shaking. no other friend has ever done that before.

he's caring, funny and sweet. and stubborn and nerdy, but in the most endearing way possible. a complete oddball as well, but who wants boring. he always knows exactly what to say and do at the right time, something most guys are completely oblivious to. and he has a motorbike and he cooks. god knows why he's still single.

i know he'll read this at some point, and i know he's going to hold it over me for god knows how long. but fuck it. i'm in an appreciative mood. so ben, thank you. and if you take the piss, i WILL hurt you :)

i've been surrounded by people all day. and i've never felt lonelier.

hiding my heart, adele
but like everything i've ever known
you'll disappear one day
so i'll spend my whole life hiding my heart away

give me love, ed sheeran
give a little time to me, i'll burn this out
we'll play hide and seek, to turn this 'round
all i want is the taste that your lips allow

iris, goo goo dolls
and i don't want the world to see me
cause i don't think that they'd understand
when everything's made to be broken
i just want you to know who i am

clever girl.

so fucking confused about so many things. i'm just setting myself up for another fall. smart one vicky.

stop it.

can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars?

i could really use a wish right now

this is really not good. i thought these had stopped, but nope they're back again. the one night i sleep early, and actually need to, they fucking come back. now? i won't sleep all night.

if you've never had one. let me tell you, it is one of the most terrifying experiences you could ever have. being awake, but asleep at the same time. screaming in your head, but unable to make a noise. ready to run, but completely paralysed. gasping for breath but there's nothing in your lungs. waking up and having no idea why you can't breath, is the scariest thing ever.

i fucking hate this. and the one thing that helps me, i can't have it.

*sigh*

someone please tell me what to do. i'm up one minute, down the next. one minute, i feel fine like i can take on the world and i don't need anyone or anything. like my life couldn't get any better, which tbh, it can't. i have my family, friends there's not much more i can ask for.

the next, i'm seriously considering ringing my ex and taking it all back. i don't love him anymore. in fact, i don't even like him. he's a twat. i just know that he'd have me. i just don't want to be on my own.

new favourite song, for now at least!..

i got my ticket for the long way round
two bottle of whiskey for the way
and i sure would like some sweet company
and i'm leaving tomorrow, what d'ya say?

when i'm gone, when i'm gone
you're gonna miss me when i'm gone

you're gonna miss me by my hair
you're gonna miss me everywhere, oh
you're gonna miss me when i'm gone

i got my ticket for the long way round
the one with the prettiest of views
it's got mountains, it's got rivers
it's got sights to give you shivers
but it sure would be prettier with you

when i'm gone, when i'm gone
you're gonna miss me when i'm gone

you're gonna miss me by my walk
you're gonna miss me by my talk, oh
you're gonna miss me when i'm gone

we are never ever getting back together, taylor swift
i'm really gonna miss you picking fights
and me falling for it screaming that i'm right
and you would hide away and find your peace of mind
with some indie record that's much cooler than mine

troublemaker, olly murs ft. flo rida
trouble troublemaker, yeah, that's your middle name
i know you're no good but you're stuck in my brain

wings, little mix
spread your wings my little butterfly
and they can't detain you
'cause wings are made to fly

hum hallelujah, fall out boy
the road outside my house
is paved with good intentions
hired a construction crew
'cause it's hell on the engines

what the fuck..

..is happening here?

what i've learnt today...

me...

my best friend...

brilliant, no?

BORED.

VICTORY DANCE!

i got that job. first day on thursday. i'm gonna be cliché and say new year, new start!

you know..

..single life isn't for you when the highlight of the evening is being able to balance a piece of popcorn on your nose.

keep holding on, avril lavigne
whatever's meant to be will work out perfectly

all star, smash mouth
my world's on fire, how about yours?
that's the way i like it and i'll never get bored

so what, pink
i'm still a rock star
i've got my rock moves
and i don't need you
and guess what?
i'm having more fun

fucking fuming.

you've spent the majority of these past weeks making me feel shit, both just in myself and for breaking up with you. i was careful not to get pictures taken with guys on nights out to not upset you. and you go and do the complete opposite. thanks a fucking lot. appreciate it.

had the most embarrassing moment of my life this morning. i've been waiting for my friends birthday present to arrive, so i wasn't leaving the house until it was delivered!

however, as i went to have a shower,  i thought "what are the chances of it turning up?". just my luck, the doorbell rang mid shower. i grabbed a towel and ran downstairs. i got a funny look from the delivery man, but i thought nothing of it..

..until i got back upstairs, looked in the mirror and had completely forgotten about my shampoo mohawk.

now watching...

soctt pilgrim vs. the world. why not? not like i have coursework to do..

is it bad to miss someone after a day of not talking to them?

watching...

easy a, again. easily one of my favourite movies. especially the "pocket full of sunshine" sequence. because that's basically what i do, nearly every time i'm home alone. judge at your own will.

the show, lenka
i am just a little girl lost in the moment
i'm so scared but i don't show it
i can't figure it out
it's bringing me down i know
i've got to let it go
and just enjoy the show

1234, feist
sleepless long nights
that's what my youth is for

guess what!?

i've got a trial work day at this place tommorrow... 

dressing up as a 17th century zombie/plague survivor and scaring people...

CAN'T FUCKING WAIT!

fuuuck!

deleted my ENTIRE itunes library! over 1,00 songs. fucking hell.

oooohh,

mum's making homemade pies for dinner. can i take her back to uni with me?

some pictures from NYE

ugh,

i apologise, i'm being a bit schizo this evening. feeling a bit like this little guy..

i'm not sure..

how i'm going to feel going back to university after this break. my life has changed so much within these couple of weeks. it's changed me, and idk if it'll change the person i am there.

my self confidence has nosedived. usually, i'm confident, outspoken and occasionally a bit flirty. i'm a great advocate for self love, no matter your personality or looks. i've always got attention, this is the first time i'm single for about four years.

but now? i can't even look in the mirror without feeling disgusted. i notice every single flaw. i never used to do that. even, here, is a list of everything that is wrong with me.

eyes- too small, big bags underneath, boring colour
nose- big bump in the middle, too big
lips- uneven shape, too big
cheeks- go bright red when i'm embarassed or cold,  chicken pox scars and freckles
arms- too pale and chubby
stomach- not at all flat, quite the opposite, strechmarks
legs- tree trunks, horribly pear shaped, too pale
bum- way too big, where all my weight goes
boobs- disproportionate to the rest of my size
skin- too pale, lots of moles, freckles, scars and a stupid birthmark

usually, i preach and practice the whole "love yourself for who you are, not what you look like" thing. i don't rely on looks to make friends, other relationships etc. i've never had to worry about it, i had my boyfriend to assure me of that.

even writing this now, it feels strange and unnatural. but then i look at myself, and realise, it's true. i am being brutally honest with myself, something i haven't done in a while. and yes, i'll complain about this, but i won't do anything to change it. because, probably, tomorrow morning, i'll tell myself that i'm being an idiot.

i don't know whether to hate this movie. i actually like the plot, the actors, there's nothing not to like.

except for how it applies to my life.

i know i decided to end my last relationship. but i'm not gonna have any of that for a long time. 

i'm not going to make someone smile that way. i'm not going to have someone fight for me. i'm not going have late night talks in bed. i'm not going to be someones 'game changer'. not for a long while.

and it's my own fault.

watching

crazy stupid love. because now i know that's what it is, crazy and stupid..

landscape, florence + the machine
'cause she's just like the weather
can't hold her together
born from dark water
daughter of the rain and snow

shine a light, mcfly
will you pull me from the flames?
hold me 'til i feel no pain
and give me shelter from the rain

stronger, kelly clarkson
thanks to you i got a new thing started
thanks to you i'm not the broken-hearted
thanks to you i'm finally thinking about me

love drunk, boys like girls
we used to kiss all night, now it's just bar fight
so don't call me crying
say hello to goodbye
cause just one sip would make me sick
i used to be love drunk, but now i'm hungover

what the hell, avril lavigne
all my life, i've been good but now
i'm thinking what the hell

happy new year!

i hope you all had an amazing nye, i know i did.

an amazing band, pop trash go check them out, amazing atmosphere, brilliant people and a shit load of free drinks! being a girl does have perks ;)

glowsticks, flower garlands, ridiculous high heels and champagne showers aside, in all seriousness this is a fresh start for me. yes, cliché as it may be, but this will be my year.

although, i'll take it on when the hangover's gone...