how i'm going to feel going back to university after this break. my life has changed so much within these couple of weeks. it's changed me, and idk if it'll change the person i am there.
my self confidence has nosedived. usually, i'm confident, outspoken and occasionally a bit flirty. i'm a great advocate for self love, no matter your personality or looks. i've always got attention, this is the first time i'm single for about four years.
but now? i can't even look in the mirror without feeling disgusted. i notice every single flaw. i never used to do that. even, here, is a list of everything that is wrong with me.
eyes- too small, big bags underneath, boring colour
nose- big bump in the middle, too big
lips- uneven shape, too big
cheeks- go bright red when i'm embarassed or cold, chicken pox scars and freckles
arms- too pale and chubby
stomach- not at all flat, quite the opposite, strechmarks
legs- tree trunks, horribly pear shaped, too pale
bum- way too big, where all my weight goes
boobs- disproportionate to the rest of my size
skin- too pale, lots of moles, freckles, scars and a stupid birthmark
usually, i preach and practice the whole "love yourself for who you are, not what you look like" thing. i don't rely on looks to make friends, other relationships etc. i've never had to worry about it, i had my boyfriend to assure me of that.
even writing this now, it feels strange and unnatural. but then i look at myself, and realise, it's true. i am being brutally honest with myself, something i haven't done in a while. and yes, i'll complain about this, but i won't do anything to change it. because, probably, tomorrow morning, i'll tell myself that i'm being an idiot.
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