a lot of people recently have been saying how they can't wait to get back to uni, see all their friends and get back to uni life. me? i'm not so sure.
of course, it'll be nice to get back into my old routine. and also getting back to studying, learning more and hopefully get somewhat closer to knowing what i want to do with my degree.
i miss my flate mates like crazy; chloe, sam and plam. i miss seeing them everyday, our little routines and rituals, as well as just living mundane life with them. i'm also looking forward to moving into my new flat with my other flat mates; xristina, lian, marketa and lizzie. they're a brilliant group of girls, with personalities i'm yet to discover and memories we have yet to make. getting back to avery hill will be good too, i miss the place. the student village, constantly busy, as well as the surroundings like the park.
however, i'm a little apprehensive about socialising with some people on my course again. to be honest, i haven't really spoken to any of them since the year ended, on my part really. what with my break up, i pretty much dissociated myself everything to do with my ex, just because it made it much easier to manage.
it'll probably be fine after a while. but as mentioned in my earlier post, changes within myself are making me much more anxious about reintegrating. i'm feeling like it's my first day all over again. my first day at university, i pretty much sat by myself. whenever anyone said anything to me, i'd politely answer, or smile and look away. but all the while, on the inside, i felt like a deer in the headlights. i felt constantly on edge, finding it hard to catch my breath occasionally. even now, certain interactions with certain people cause me to panic.
the only difference is this year, people know me. last year, no one at university knew anything about me, i was free to create a new me. but, i opened up to a couple of people, letting them see my flaws and problems i tried to hide. now they're known, i feel somewhat vulnerable. my flat mates know some of this, but because they needed to know because i live with them, they understand and i feel comforted by them. they love me no matter what. i mean they have to, they've gotta live with me for another year!
i guess, i'll just have to try my best and see what happens. wish me luck.
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